10/27/2026
PITTSFIELD, MASS. — Days before Halloween, an area man returned to the Lipton Market on South Street for what he grimly described as an “emergency restock,” having discovered that the candy reserve he proudly established in mid-October was entirely gone.
The man, who sources confirm had purchased his first bags “early, to be safe,” declined to assign blame, then assigned it to himself. “I had a system. One bag for the kids, one bag for inventory,” he said, loading the cart with visible urgency. “Somewhere along the way, inventory became… me. I don’t want to talk about the fun-size. The fun-size is a sensitive subject.”
Witnesses report the man moved “with the focus of someone correcting a serious error,” muttered “never again” at least twice, and this time selected “flavors I personally don’t like” as a deterrent. He is said to have described his earlier confidence as “hubris” and the empty candy bowl at home as “a warning.”
Asked how he had gone through an entire reserve before Halloween, the man said the timeline was “not relevant to the solution,” confirmed the new supply was “off-limits, effective immediately,” and acknowledged he had eaten one bag “in the parking lot, just now, which doesn’t count.” He then returned for a backup.
The trick-or-treaters could not be reached for comment. There will, he has vowed, be candy this time.
THE SOUTH STREET REGISTER — Pittsfield’s Receipt of Record Since This Morning.
