03/16/2025
How do I wrestle with post-fire helplessness? Your guess is as good as mine. My guess:
It’s been 68 days since the Eaton fire started, and through our fundraising we’ve been able to raise over $70,000 for the California Fire Foundation. That’s just about $1,000/day for . That’s 4 families a day were able to fund just a little bit of hope and relief for.
I know I should feel good about those numbers. And I do, in my head - I know objectively I’m doing what I can to help those who have also lost everything. But it’s not like I feel “great” about it, you know? I don’t feel relieved. I send an ACH payment, I see how much we’re giving and I don’t feel any different after. I’m used to hitting goals, checking boxes, and feeling good as I accomplish things - but the ache in my heart doesn’t lessen as I watch our donation grow. And I’m pretty sure we are going to hit my goal of raising $100,000, the finish line for our fundraiser. And I’m pretty sure when that happens, I won’t feel much better. There’s no washing your hands of this sort of thing. I know that money can’t replace a lost legacy or generations of history. You can’t buy a whole new life. Money only goes so far. It falls short, because everything falls short when you lose something you can’t replace.
I think this photo from my front yard a couple weeks ago sums up my thoughts on it all. No rebuild has begun, no debris has been cleared, but our surviving plants in our front yard are blooming like crazy. This js not a “focus on the positive!” metaphor. When I see this photo, I think “wow it’s crazy there are flowers blooming in the middle of this hell hole”. No flowers in the world could distract from the burn, and I don’t think Mother Earth or God or whoever you believe is watching, is trying to do that anyways. But there are really pretty Camélias and Daffodils in the middle of a toxic graveyard.
There’s not less devastation because of the work we are doing, but there is more good. And if you’re also spending time, energy, or money helping fire victims, remember that. That loss isn’t lessened by kindness, but kindness can still exist there, and that means something. So keep doing the work.
