08/31/2026
The President has taken a bold, team-oriented approach to ease the tension surrounding Canadian tariffs, the acquisition of The Lake, formerly known as Ontario and Sailors retuning home from the Straight of Hormuz. According to THEE anonymous source (who’s not authorized to speak publicly about anything), a trade deal is being developed and relief is at hand. It might be ready soon, within the week, later tonight or perhaps before the swamps in Canada and US are drained.
The source, who’s been working with someone who frequents the former fishing lake at Over the Rhine Ci**rs, suggests that the US and Canada might explore swapping The Lake, formerly known as Ontario, for the unpaved swamp between 1720 and 1716 Elm, near Findlay Market. However, specifics are still very fluid. What is clear is that there are strong demands for a lower cost for hockey sticks and the return of the Stanley Cup to Canada after over 30 years. Officials from both countries are meeting, along with 5000 sailors, in Pattaya, Thailand. All are hopeful of Happy Ending!
