Cork Monkey

17/08/2025

Heat Recipe — The Humidity Houdini
🌡 You know it’s bad when you break a sweat walking to the fridge. Don’t come for me in January when I’m whining about shoveling — I’m just trying to survive August without melting into my Adirondack chair.

The cure: The Humidity Houdini
1.5 oz. Hendrick’s Gin
1 oz. St-Germain Elderflower Liqueur
1 oz. fresh lemon juice
Top with ice-cold cucumber seltzer
Float 3 thin cucumber slices (for hydration, obviously)

It’s crisp. It’s cold. And it’s the closest thing to air-conditioning in a glass.

16/08/2025

Weekend Rescue Recipe — The “Lazy Genius”
🍹 For when you want cocktail-bar vibes but your couch has a restraining order on your pants.

2 oz. Casamigos Blanco Tequila
1 oz. triple sec
Juice of 1 lime
Shake, pour over ice, salt rim optional.

Pairs best with takeout and telling everyone you’re “catching up on laundry” (aka binge-watching Netflix).

15/08/2025

Overheard at Cork Monkey — Overachiever Edition
🗣 “Okay, so I need something for a girls’ night, something that looks classy on Instagram, something strong enough to make me dance to Beyoncé, but not so strong I text my ex… and it needs to go with hummus.” Our reply: “So… you want magic in a bottle?”

We sent her home with:

A bottle of Apothic Red (moody, photogenic, pairs with bad decisions and chickpeas)

A small bottle of Chambord (to splash in for color and sass)

Dark chocolate truffles (because if you’re already making a charcuterie board, you might as well finish strong)

Pretty sure Beyoncé didn’t play until song #3. Ex was never texted. Hummus was demolished.

14/08/2025

TBT — Old School Drinking Edition
📸 Throwback to when “mixology” meant whatever was in your parents’ liquor cabinet plus warm Sprite.

Remember:

Peach Schnapps was a flex

Amaretto Sours were basically a rite of passage

Every wedding had that one uncle double-fisting Jack & Coke
Tonight, in honor of our bad decisions and worse hangovers:
Make yourself a Tequila Sunrise — the O.G. vacation drink:

2 oz. Jose Cuervo Gold

Orange juice to taste

Sink grenadine down the side for that ‘70s disco sunset look
Bonus points if you drink it from a chunky glass tumbler that rattles when you stir it.

Send a message to learn more

10/08/2025

“The Tuition Tonic." They're packing up laundry they’ll never wash, textbooks they’ll never read, and confidence they absolutely did not earn. Yes, the college kids are heading back. And you? You’re reclaiming your kitchen, your bandwidth, and your liquor cabinet.

Celebrate the silence with this A+ cocktail:
🎓 The Tuition Tonic
→ 2 oz Hendricks Gin (because it’s purple and you’re extra)
→ ½ oz lemon juice
→ Top with tonic or whatever fancy bubbles you pretend are “just for guests”
→ Add ice, garnish with a cucumber or a smug smile

Pairs well with:
→ Quiet
→ Fewer TikToks filmed in your driveway
→ Not hearing the phrase “I forgot my charger” ever again

You paid tuition. You earned this. Come get the good stuff.

09/08/2025

“What’s Floating in Your Cup?” No one’s doing laps. Your sunscreen’s already questionable. And your playlist is stuck on "Summer Hits 2012."
Let’s be honest—this isn’t a workout. It’s a floating therapy session.

🍍 The Lazy Lifeguard
→ 2 oz Malibu Rum
→ 3 oz pineapple juice
→ 1 oz coconut water
→ Splash of soda water
→ Serve over crushed ice in whatever insulated cup your friend “forgot” to return

Light, tropical, and dangerously easy to refill. Pairs well with inflatable flamingos and full-on ignoring your responsibilities. We’ll build your poolside cocktail kit—just promise not to dive after making it.

08/08/2025

“You’re Not the Captain, but You Brought the Good Stuff." Nobody remembers who drove the boat. They remember who brought the drink that mattered. Make your presence known:

The First Mate Mai Tai
→ 1 oz aged rum
→ 1 oz light rum
→ ¾ oz fresh lime juice
→ ½ oz orange liqueur
→ ¼ oz orgeat syrup (yes, it’s a thing)
→ Shake it, strain it, and serve over ice

Garnish with a lime wheel and a deeply judgmental glance at anyone sipping vodka straight from the bottle. No blender. No excuses. Just a proper drink for people who show up ready to float and flex.

We’ll help you build the boat bar. Just don’t let "Steve" drive.

07/08/2025

You don’t need another basic lime margarita. You need something with bite. Something dramatic. Something that says, “I made this and I don’t need your approval.”

🔥 Smoky Blackberry Margarita
→ 2 oz of your favorite tequila
→ 1 oz fresh lime
→ ¾ oz blackberry syrup (store-bought or show off and make it)
→ Shake hard, strain over rocks, garnish with attitude

It’s sweet, smoky, and better than your ex’s playlist.
We have the bott\le. You bring the emotional clarity.

03/08/2025

It’s August. You’re alreadt dodging PTA emails, avoiding group texts, and pretending you don’t see the Halloween décor already in stores.

Enter: Kim Crawford, here to help you sip through the chaos—with options.
Choose your fighter:

🍋 Kim Crawford Sauvignon Blanc
→ Big, citrusy, bold.
→ For when you’re done pretending you’re “only having one.”
→ Best paired with dramatic sighs and not answering your phone.

🌿 Kim Crawford Illuminate (70 Cal)
→ Same bright flavor, just less guilt.
→ For when you're counting calories but still need to survive family dinner.
→ Goes well with yoga pants, passive-aggressive potluck prep, and pretending it's a health decision.

Whichever Kim you pick, she shows up chilled, confident, and completely over it.
We’ve got both on the shelf. Choose wisely—or get both. We’re not judging.

02/08/2025

You said it’d be a “quiet night.” Then someone brought a Bluetooth speaker and 14 opinions on grilling. Time to lean in.

Here’s how to match that chaos with something that burns just right:
🔥 Spicy Cherry Cola
→ 2 oz Jack Daniel’s Tennessee Fire
→ 4 oz cherry cola
→ A lime wedge—optional, but classy

You likely have had a Jack-and-Coke at some point. But it's different and t’s sweet. It’s cinnamon-spicy. It’s dangerously sippable.
Like your group chat: a little messy, but somehow still worth it.

31/07/2025

August is emotionally confusing. You're still getting sunburned—but mentally, you're already yelling at Spirit Halloween for opening too soon. Let's not talk about the earlier school year next month.

You’re not ready for fall.
You’re not done with summer.
You’re just existing in seasonal limbo—and it deserves a drink that understands.

Here’s how to drink through it like a professional: drink what makes you feel the best. No stress. Just deliciousness.
Drink for the season you feel—not the one on the calendar.

27/07/2025

“The Cool Aunt/Uncle Starter Pack” There are two types of relatives:
🧁 The ones who bring cupcakes and ask for Wi-Fi
🔥 And the ones who roll up with a bottle and a Bluetooth speaker, ready to corrupt future generations tastefully.
Be the latter. Here's your survival kit:

🍷 Josh Cellars Rosé – For sipping dramatically while refusing to explain your tattoos
🍋 Grey Goose Citron – Add lemonade and watch your “quick drink” turn into a poolside TED Talk
☕ BuzzBallz Chocolate Martini – Is it classy? Absolutely not. Is it effective? Tragically, yes

And for bonus points:
→ Lie and say you forgot your phone so you can dodge group pics
→ Pretend the liquor cabinet has a lock
→ Leave behind “just a splash” for the hosts—they’ll remember

You’re not parenting. You’re providing core memories—with a garnish.