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10/07/2026

Where do we start on this October 7th, 2026? Certainly NOT with a National Kale Day celebration. There's a place and time for that stuff, sometimes just for looks in the flowerbed, but we shouldn't go as far as having a Kale parade. Of course, this like always is just my twisted opinion. Maybe we could all give a Frappe. That weird iced coffee drink might be OK but again, I like my mud strong and a little warm at the very least. Maybe the best two celebrations on the calendar are Bald & Free Day coupled with International Walk To School Day which both grace this Wednesday. I'm not sure just why the bald are free. They should be worth at least as much as the rest of us.
Honolulu is 75, don't you know, Fairbanks skirts the frostline with 34 and Pigeye, Alabama is seeing 57 degrees as the Sun rises on that burg. Pigeye is centrally located with many other burgs just an oink away. That's a good place to be. On the bigger radar map, there's a strange donut-shaped storm? over Manitoba to our northeast. Maybe it's looking for a frappe to hang out with.
Congress, in its infinite wisdom, is deadlocked over the quest to end time changing seasonally in this country. The "too dark too late in the morning" side is deadlocked with the "too light in the evening" side so don't look for any compromise soon. Those of us who go to bed with the chickens and get up with the owls don't really care. Regardless of what time it is, we go about our lives either feeling our way about or relishing the sunlight. Why doesn't one of these tech companies just invent eyewear that makes the dark seem light? Coupled with smart technology just imagine what we could accomplish! Well, if we could find our glasses in the dark anyway. If not, we'd be like Congress.
Meanwhile in Riverside, Californy a serious study is about to proceed. Seems wild donkeys have always been a part of that area and in the Fall, they migrate to watered lawns on the UC Riverside campus and nearby neighborhoods. Some fear for the donkeys safety due to recent arrowing incidents. Others point to them as traffic hazards bending cars and such. Thus, a grant has been secured and donkey doo-doo will be analyzed to glean info of some kind. Will these animals eat unwanted brush on hillsides and reduce fire danger? Do they prefer bluegrass to cheatgrass? Can they be taught to use wildlife crossings instead of wandering into traffic? That's a lot to ask from a piece of donkey dung if you ask me. I'm not sure I could tell a wild donkey from a tame one anyway.
So what have we learned today? Humans will study anything with the right grant and donkey doo-doo holds the answers to the universe! Next we'll study if the bald are really free...Frappacinno!

10/06/2026

Holy October heatwave Batman! Is it unusual and reason to panic? Nah. 1920's temp was merely matched by some making this a 100+6 year event. It'll get close to records again today which will help turn the leaves colorful and light breezes might even let them stay for awhile. The stoic cottonwoods aren't in a hurry though so there's more Fall to be enjoyed with only a hiccup or two in the way. Could you waterski until Christmas? I guess, if you hauled your boat to a lake with water left.
This is Mad Hatter Day if you're into Alice in Wonderland stuff. The book has been controversial over the years with detractors claiming it was about drugs. Maybe it was just written for fun like The Wizard of Oz and others of the genre. Anyway, the Mad Hatter was known for his riddles much like our daily lives are now as we try to figure out this brave new world. Actually, when hats WERE the thing to wear in the late 1700's and early 1800's, those who made hats did go mad crazy from the mercury nitrate that was used in the process.
Honolulu is once again 79. Fairbanks notches down to 34 and Montague, Montana is still in the dark at 54. Now home to only "3 nice people and one old grouch", a building or two still exists in the spot where 1,000 folks once showed up for a 1925 picnic. If you go there beware that "No medical ma*****na shops, Wal-Marts or Bobcats are allowed" according to a sign at the entrance. Next time I'm on the road between hither and yon I'll have to journey off the pavement to find the place.
Someone always has to be first at something and 160 years ago today it was the Reno Brothers. They had no other claim to fame nor famous relations that made cars or cities. John and Simeon were ambitious though, but in a bad way. The time was 1866 and trains were everywhere, carry people, goods and money from town to town. Burglaries were common while trains were stopped for frequent water for the steam engine or if they spent time on a siding. Our heroes decided that was too lame and so on an October 6th day in Jackson County, Indiana they stopped a moving train in a remote spot and made off with an estimated $13,000. That kind of money could buy something back then. Soon enough, word got out of this new method of criminality and bandits everywhere began relieving train cars of their valuables. Butch Cassidy's Wild Bunch was one of the better know and most successful train robbers. Soon, railroads began carrying valuables in large safes which slowed the robbers down some. Some even resorted to armed guards and livestock cars carrying horses so a chase could ensue. By 1900, most train robbers went on to other ways of not working for a living. In 2026, this can be accomplihed with a few keystrokes.
"People who don't think shouldn't talk" Lewis Carroll, Alice's creator, once said. That's pretty fitting in this election year...Tetley Tea!

10/05/2026

Just like clockwork another Monday has arrived for your enjoyment or dismay. After that absolutely ambition-sapping weekend weather maybe we need a Monday to snap us out of our Fall intoxication. Today ain't gonna be it though as temps climb to maybe 90 somewhat breezy degrees. Worry not because change is coming and it won't be the kind you can use in a gumball machine. I kinda figured this since the critters suddenly put on a new fur coat. Oh well, it might not last.
At this very hour Honolulu is 79, Fairbanks has returned with 37 and Elephant Butte, New Mexico seems nice at 59. Named after a local landmark and reservoir, the place looks like somewhere to Winter for anyone wanting to escape our harsh climes. Lately though, Southwestern folks have been coming here for that season to warm up.
I know you've been waiting and waiting so here's the news: THE PACKAGE arrived Saturday! It was in surprisingly good shape after its trip from coast to coast and then back West. I'm pretty sure the carriers lost big time bucks carting it around for 23 days but that's their problem. I even put part of the order up yesterday instead of putting it on the to-do pile and the job went fairly well. I did quit early while I was ahead. It was a day of rest don't you know.
This is Do Something Nice Day but it comes with no instructions. Be nice to yerself or others or heck, I dunno. Niceness is in the eye of the beholder.
Has the Bermuda Triangle claimed another victim? Over the weekend, a medical flight with 6 aboard vanished in the Atlantic area know for such things. Experts poo-poo the beliefs that part of the ocean off our Eastern coast can be evil. The fact that so many planes and ships have been lost in it belies their poo-pooing. A whole squadron of military planes are still to be discovered after all these years. The air ambulance was Canadian but our Coast Guard is pulling out the stops in the search.
Locally, the weekend brought everything from pumpkin picking to punchouts to puppy promoting. Some even picked pecks of pickled peppers, I kid you not. As for me, I mostly took in the quiet along with clear mornings and star-filled night skies. Do I know my constellations? I think they're every thing except a, e, i, o, u and sometimes, y aren't they?
In B Town, activists pedaled butt to save the planet from burning up. They donned plastic helmets and spandex made from evil crude oil while merrily tying up traffic and gave speeches. Nice.
Also in the City that begs folks to wash cars, the deadline to shut the lid is drawing near. By the end of this month, any trash bins over-filled or open to the skies will NOT be dumped. This will teach people! I kinda think that this noble quest will cause even more trashiness knowing human nature. I also have no answers as to how to change said nature being human myself at times.
Yes folks, a nice Monday is in store and hopefully the pitfalls will be few. Oh, and try to be human...Pepperoni!

10/02/2026

It's World Smile Day and boy howdy it'll be a good one! Show them ivories for the world to see or at least, turn one end of yer lips up in a crooked grin. Someone might even notice. As for those of you who think smiling is going around all day resembling the grille of an old Buick, just what secrets ARE you hiding? I 'pologize for that now that I think of it. Yer facelift may have gone too far.
Honolulu starts with 77, Fairbanks is out of it again and Angela, Montana is about the same as right heah at 48 pre-sunrise degrees. That metropolis on the wind-blown prairie is THE place to go if you're into whirly-gigs though theirs do not sparkle nor does one milli-watt of what they produce power anything in this State. If we could just stop the breeze, Washington State would be in big trouble.
By Sunday, National Golf Day will be the feature again. I could swear we just had one but that might have been some other variation or else a year has flown by. Whether you're into the game or not, there is some humor to it.
-I decided to play golf with my friend. On the third hole he said, "Let's make this interesting." So, we stopped playing golf...
-What led to Tiger Woods downfall in golf? His driving game...
-Usain Bolt goes to a golf course. He walks into the clubhouse to pay to get a round but the receptionist says, "I'm sorry, we don't allow black people at this golf course." "That is ridiculous! This is 2026 and you still don't allow black people into your club??" Usain exclaims. "Please don't make a scene sir. There is another golf course 5 minutes down the road that will allow you to play." "But I'M USAIN BOLT!!" he hollers. The receptionist calmly says, "OK then-2 minutes down the road for you." (Got know who Usain is to get this one)
-I invented a new golf ball that'll automatically go in the hole if it gets within four inches. Do NOT carry them in your back pocket!
-A Catholic, a Baptist and a Mormon are bragging about the size of their families. "I have four boys and my wife is expecting", says the Catholic. "One more son and I'll have a basketball team!" "That's nothing", says the Baptist. I have 10 boys now and my wife is pregnant with another. One more son and I'll have a football team!" The Mormon chuckles. "I have 17 wives. One more and I'll have a golf course!!"
-Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed right for a group of men on the fairway. The ball hit one of them and he clasped his hands together over his groin and bent down in pain. The women rushed to the man and apologized. "Please allow me to help", one said. "I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me." The man said he'd be all right but was still clasping his hands and bent over in pain. The therapist persisted and the man gave in. She gently took his hands away, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, "How does that feel now?" The man said, "Feels great, but I think my thumb's still broken..."
Swing, putt or stroke this weekend. First though, smile and the world'll smile with you...Ultra-Brite!

10/01/2026

I dunno what was in that cold front that ushered out September but it purt near't laid me out. I'm kinda used to predicting weather though the side effects seem to be getting worse with increased mileage. At any rate, the front has passed and now we deal with the behind which could be trouble. I'll be in the office all day, mechanics willing, going round and round chasing the green off some beets so you can sugar yer coffee. It's my bear to cross.
October (yes it is!) starts off with International Coffee AND National Homemade Cookies Day OR Pumpkin Spice AND World Vegetarian Day for those with their own bears to cross. The last two have constant reminders it seems while the first two just do their thing without annoying sensibilities. To paraphrase Forrest Gump, "Life is like a pumpkin or a box of chocolates or sumthin' like that." Yep.
If you're on the edge of your seats wondering if I got "the package" yet the answer is no. After a whirlwind tour of Missouri, Ohio AND somewhere in New York State, it's supposedly now back in B Town but has disappeared off the FedEx radar. This could be because of my interaction with their chatbot which told me to watch my language. I admit I did use the word Bu****it to describe the now 22 day journey a simple thing has become. I also told the bot that since it was a computer, what did it care about the adjectives I use. In the end, I blessed its silicone heart and will await further waiting.
Any of you guys out there salivating at what "Endless Male" can do for you? The local tv ad, featuring a cross between a leprechaun and ogre, surely will bring in clients needing a mid-life recharge. If whatever they peddle does that to someone, I'm out. Upper middle-age has already shown it's humorous side of causing hair to grow way too tough for normal razors and in places one shouldn't have to shave. Other side effects aren't listed though which is merciful compared to endless "ask yer Dr." skits on the toob. They could shorten their spiel by just saying, "If you ain't dying or dead yet, this stuff could hasten the process." Joking aside, the chemicals MAY have lengthened someone's days and drained their savings at the same time. That is unless you too qualify for a "0 dollar" prescription like all good drug dealers offer in the beginning.
Luckily, Part D will double for next year I've been told in my case anyway. I'll try to stay alive until the two 'spensive ones patents wear off so I can get a generic version of magic pills.
Too much info for October 1? Yer right-I shoulda stuck to Pumpkin Spice reminders and correct computer language courses...Endless BS!

09/30/2026

What could possible follow Stupid Questions and then Confucius Day? National Mud Pack Day, of course! Find a puddle and slather on the goo wherever needed to bring back yer youth. The results will be surprising, I predict, just like the crapola on the TV ad where lines and creases "magically" disappear for minutes. I say you've earned every one of those wrinkles, etc. and should wear them proudly. On that same vein though, please, please, please do not show us yer "new and improved" bellies after losing pounds with the other "miracle" drugs. That TV ad should be banned, at least at dinner time, and is beyond yikes! Talk about flabola.
And... just like that I'm off in the brush again. I really need to watch where I'm goin'.
Honolulu is 76 right now, Fairbanks is missing, again and Corwin Springs along with right heah is a coolish 44 degrees at this exact time. Remember when the C.U.T was the big news in the State? Speculation as to what was going on at the "cult" was on the news every day for what seemed years. It wouldn't even make a blip nowadays. The church is still there, although a lesser force, with most folks just thinking it's another grow lab for the "green" industry stores so abundant. "Dispensaries" my sweet patootie!
"Super Polo", the Pacific hurricane that was to be record-breaking hit Mexico rather tamely instead. The stream of moisture it will bring to parts of the U.S. has brought the usual flash-flooding to deserts but is not the holy-heck that was predicted.
Lee Enterprises has proudly announced that they now have a virtual monopoly in the state for the 5 1/2 people that still read a newspaper. They just bought up the last bastions in Great Falls and Helena and are aiming for the local freebie flyer now.
The push for a fleet MPG of 50 in 2030 has been dialed back, much to the chagrin of Ecofascists. Car makers will have some leeway, but will probably keep producing complex engines that go hundreds of miles before going kaput. Prices will remain unchanged. Reality is, there is only so much one can do to a vehicle to make it get mileage. Making the wind stop would be a better use of regulation.
The B Town Ice Rink manager admitted in court that he had indeed used the non-profit's funds for entertainment purposes. No millions were involved this time, but the $16 grand he used on st*****rs in Three Forks hurt the independent skating place. On a related note, I did not know that Three Forks was a hotbed for such things. Should I investigate?
There'll be no more rides on the X2 Coaster at Six Flags in Californy. Seems too many people have been scared to death or at least brain damaged by the ride. This is not funny for the families of those whose lives have been changed forever.
That just about wraps up Self Improvement Month. If ya' ain't good now, you never will be! I'd still try a little mud on that one spot though...Ice Capades!

09/29/2026

I asked and asked but only got stupid answers to my stupid questions yesterday. How does one tell the difference between them? I dunno, and I just asked another stupid question. The truth might be out there but is being heavily guarded by those wanting to keep us like mushrooms, that is, in the dark and fed full of sh**. On the bright side, we're all fungi...
Honolulu surfs in with 79, Fairbanks crisps at 37 and Winifred, Montana hits a median with 47. Meanwhile down Southwest, Hurricane Polo has hit Mexico's Pacific side and remnants of the major blow will drench areas of the U.S. depending on the track. It won't be a good time to live low.
Replaced with all that, 9/29 is Confucius Day which honors a Chinese philosopher and his wisdom. Some might say that the word philosopher sounds like full of something itself. Consider the wisdom of this one from the great Confucius: "The hardest thing to do is to find a black cat in a dark room especially if there is not a cat." Some might find this to be a joke but great thinkers see the point. How about, "When a wise man points to the Moon, an imbecile examines the finger." Hell these days most won't even look up from their pocket screens.
113 years ago today a man named Rudolf disappeared off a ship bound for England. Many theories as to how Rudy ended up in the water dead abounded after his body was found. Was someone trying to keep the man from selling his patents to the British Government? Afterall, the invention would be groundbreaking in the propulsion of anything mechanical and had been concocted in Belgium. There was fierce jealousy amongst European countries at the turn of the 20th century. Rudolf's death was officially ruled a su***de because he was nearly broke despite his innovation. Critics of that theory say he should have know what revenue his invention would bring in one day. Only Rudolf Diesel knows and we can't ask him. Yes, THAT Diesel, the guy who invented an engine that didn't require an ignition and made power galore for ships and locomotives and all the smoke belching motors that would come.
"Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon and the truth." I'm not so sure on that last one but Confucius makes a good point...Buda!

09/28/2026

What would we do without Mondays? I guess we'd have Tuesday to blame for trouble or maybe we could just eliminate the first unofficial work day of the week. Would that involve a 7 day week then? These are all stupid questions for sure because 9/28 IS Ask A Stupid Question Day! Go ahead-let them rip! Of course wise men would say that there are no stupid questions. There's more to that saying but I won't offend stupid people with the rest of the story. This is also National Good Neighbor Day if you want to get that task off the calendar for the year. Though this should be an everyday thing, our modern shuttered society don't even know their neighbors sometimes.
Honolulu comes in at 79 this morning while Fairbanks sits at 40. Right heah AND in Kalamazoo, Michigan the temp is 47 with mostly clear skies. Last eve's quickie shower added nothing to totals for the month so you have no excuse to sleep in. BTW, Kalamazoo was originally called "Bronson" in honor of its founder. Later on though, residents wanted a challenge when writing their addresses so the town was renamed after the river it sits on which is an old Indian word for "otters beneath the surface".
Anyone else have great results with FedEx "SmartPost"? Seems everything I buy that gets sent that way dies a slow death in Aurora, Colorado before arriving a month or so later. Previously, I had something get sent from Nashville that went to Seattle before boomeranging back my way. Like geez, they coulda just chucked it out of the plane as they flew over my house. The latest one lost in this system has really gotten around, starting in Nevada. Then it bounced to CO and eventually got to B Town, where I was e-mailed it was out for delivery. Then...it went back to Colorado and is enjoying its stay at whatever's in Aurora. This all took place between 9/8 and now so I guess I didn't need whatever it was I ordered anyway. Best part is, because "SmartPost" is a hybrid system in which the Post Office does last-leg delivery, only the shipper can initiate a complaint. No-one would have any answers anyway. Only the barcodes know and I ain't gonna ask them a stupid question.
Californy has declared a state of emergency due to the impending doom of the SUPER El Nino predicted to start soon with biblical rains. A list of stuff people can do NOW to prepare is amusing in part. "Check your tire pressure" is one item on their list. Ok, but how about DON'T BUILD YOU HOUSE 20' FROM THE BEACH? I know-stupid question.
Other Californy problems are many, not the least of which is the downside discovered to going all electric by 2030. This has required massive lithium-ion battery structures to store solar produced volts during the dark hours. Have you ever felt you phone after it's been really working? Gets hot, don't it? It, like any other LI battery, will burst into flame if and when it feels like it at times. Now imagine thousads of the same all tied together in battery banks. Normal firefighting methods do not work when metals and chemicals get to burning. A recent spate of large battery fires have sent residents fleeing from bad stuff in the air and other bad stuff has gotten into water supplies. So much for "clean" energy. Just what is "clean energy"? That's whatever someone says it is, duh.
Yes, who care about Californy anyway? Any day now they'll fall into the ocean due to a quake, quacks or quasars. Well, the survivors will move somewhere...State Farm!

09/25/2026

With pretty damn good day #3 in the books, Fall has started off being what many have waited for all year. This is not to say there haven't been perfect days amongst the windy, smoky, hotty, and downright nasty we've survived this year but these last were especially good. Unfortunately, they bore no ambition to do anything but enjoy them. The chores will be there when these are over.
Honolulu is 76 but Fairbanks is missing! Washoe, Montana will see the sunrise at about 57 degrees which is kinda warm for that spot near Red Lodge. Washoe was a company town set down by the great Anaconda Company at the turn of the last century. Its coal fueled the copper smelters until the copper giant formed the Montana Power Company, changing their source of energy. By 1912, Washoe was no longer needed although coal mines nearby fueled other industry until they all petered out late 1960's. The area is experiencing a rebirth of sorts as a suburb of Red Lodge's sprawl.
World Dream Day is for this 25th and National Chocolate Milk Day will cap the weekend on Sunday. In between, International Rabbit Day will hop in.
-Why did the rabbit suspect his wife was cheating on him? He kept finding different hares in his bed...
-A priest, a pastor and a rabbit walk into a blood donation center. The nurse there asks the rabbit, "What's your blood type?" The rabbit replies, "Well, I think I'm a type O."
-What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards? A receding hare line...
-Why did the bald guy get tattoos of rabbits on his head? Because at a distance, they look like hares...
-A man went to make breakfast and was surprised to find a rabbit in his refrigerator. "What are you doing in there?" he demanded. The rabbit said, "This IS a Westinghouse isn't it?" "I guess", the man said. "What difference does that make?" The rabbit smirked, "I'm westing..."
-A man who had a hunting dog lived next door to people that had a pet rabbit. One day, he came home to find his dog had the rabbit in his mouth, dead! The man was horrified but knew his dog would be sent away if the neighbors though it a danger to other animals. So he took the rabbit, cleaned it off good and placed it back in its cage. He hoped the neighbor would think it had died of natural causes. The next week, he ran into the neighbor's husband at the store. "How is everything?" he asked. "Not good", said the neighbor. "My wife's still in the hospital. She had a terrible shock." "Oh no!" the man with the dog said. "What happened??" "Well, her rabbit passed away. She was heartbroken but we had a a little service for him and buried him in the backyard. All was good until the other day when she found someone had dug the rabbit up and put him back in his cage!"
-Why can't you hear rabbits having s*x? Because...they have cottonballs!
Merrily, merrily-life is but a dream they say. Does that hold true for rabbits???NesQuik!

09/24/2026

Ah yes-the good times roll on. A morning shower begat a day as nice as the one before, making cloud-watching the big job of the day. They billowed and wisped, doing their writing on a clear blue sky in a language few understand. Many critters do though as more wildlife than I've seen like ever have been glimpsed nearby. Of course the usual squeaking elk disrupt sleep at times though this year's model has a better voice. The ever-present deer make their way hither and yon. A couple of fox dens bring forth their residents at times just for show. Even the neighbor's bear stopped long enough to make eye contact, from afar, before ambling back in a corn field. A blond porcupine strode onto a road, showing a prickly situation of a different color, before diving back into the ditch when he saw it was me driving. I don't aim for nature's foresters like some do. Their job in the grand scheme of things is important to healthy stands of pine. They're all competing for what they eat in this year of a different normality. Not having crab apples fermenting for the winter deer's enjoyment will be different. Nary a berry fell from chokecherry trees. Mother Nature has punished her own this year it seems.
On the bright side, this is a day you too can put cherries on ice cream and set them afire! National Cherries Jubilee Day falls on this September 24th celebrating some chef's idea of dessert. I like my ice cream cold, thank-you very much, but others prefer risking singed eyebrows when dining out. No-one makes this stuff at home unless by accident.
Remember B Town's quarter-million dollar downtown outhouse? I think it's still there although since it will be within eyeshot of the new hotel going up, it's days may be limited. New York City has ponied up for 4 million bucks worth of these same things, sold by a company named Throne Labs. In the Big Apple though, you only have ten minutes to do your business before the door swings wide open to encourage you to leave. There's just no safe place to "rest" I guess.
Honolulu is 79, Fairbanks is about 37 and Buttzville, New Jersey has partly sunny skies with 46 already at this hour. Right heah, a clear morn is promised in this neck of the weeds...Timex!

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