Tenk Yu Tru

Tenk Yu Tru My Journey with ITP - A blood disorder without a cure. My story to help others 🙏🏽

26/06/2024

I believe it's the near-death experience that puts everything into perspective.
I have learned to 'live'.
To try not to waste precious moments worrying. To count my blessings more. To live in the moment more. I'd like to think that I am more sound in mind and spirit. What I used to think were great walls before seem miniscule in the grand scheme of things.
I have become an avenue of peace for others around me. Those who react and panic. Then turn and see me smiling calmly. This is because I chose peace and sanity above all else. Whatever life throws at me is nothing close to what I have already experienced...
I have learnt to choose battles. To not get up in everyone's circus.
To leave it to Him more.
I am but a mere sinner. Have you seen the miracles He can perform?
Me with my mustard faith. Me hanging onto his thread. But it is the most powerful feeling of release and peace. Incomparable...
Humbled under His throne. I am a happy child of the most High 🙌🏽❤️🙌🏽
Blessings and peace to all 🙌🏽❤️🙌🏽

13/05/2024

It's been a while since I was last here. Still chugging along. Still surviving 😊🙏🏽
I had a wonderful mother's day with my mom, sisters, brother and kids. Thr whole get together allowed me time to reflect.

I have been missing in my social life and interactions with friends and important connections. Most have wondered why I have faded into the background. Non know the battles I have faced. I don't blame them. Who else can you chat with about a rare blood disorder except your partner and your family and closest friends who went through it all with you?
Now, you don't want to bother your friends because they got lives too, so you cocoon yourself within family arms and stay there.

I have been 'missing' for a good 2 years.
It was mainly due to me regressing.
Before that I was out and about. Positive and actually trying to be as normal as can be...
But I regressed. Not once. But twice. See when I drop in levels, it takes me a good 6 months to get through the medication and testing and normalcy. I finished that 6 months and within a week - hit bottom again. I was bruising and bleeding easily. I already knew what that meant. Another 6 months. Of bloating, insomnia, Manic eating, moonface, zits, fatigue, weakness in bones indigestion, heart burn, inability to stay out too long incase you catch something (see when I am on medication, my white blood cells are compressed therefore I am more open to catching diseases ect). And if anyone knows me well: I hate being sheltered. I hate being 'weak'. And in the duration of it all...I retreated. Because it was too much effort trying to explain why you can't hang out. Why you can't be 'sporty'. Why you can't do alot of things that you wanted to do. Because there were limitations. I didn't want to be the weak bystander who couldn't participate...so I hid. Into the love of my partner and family. I've been there for a while...2 years...flew by so fast...but...maybe it's time now.
To be a little more courageous. To trust more in the Lord and stop hiding. This year, the Lord be willing, I will live more.
I am tired of being weak and hiding behind that fear...this time I will step out. I have to, or life will pass me by.
Pray for me my loved ones. And I'll pray for you in return. This year's moto: 'Be Brave'.

May the Lord's blessing shine upon you always ❤️

12/09/2023

I think you reach a certain point in your life where there is N.O.T.H.I.N.G that can faze you because you have crossed an invisible line.
Mine was at my lowest.
One doctor told me "You shouldn't even be alive." My response (remember I am at my weakest and have to be carried around and coddled and that annoys my strong spirit so I am not in a good mood) "Are you God?" That shut him up so I was placated.
The other two did double takes at my chart and ordered a repeat of the same tests just to make sure the information was correct - to a point I point blank refused to be Guinea pigged 🙄.
So yes, I am fully aware of my Powerful Lord. He has me. Has never let me go. I am His.
So am I alone in this world? Never.
I am a miracle. He is the Way Maker. All I have to do is believe with my Mustard seed faith 🥰🙏🏽💕
Blessings in Faith everyone ❤

22/08/2023

It's been an amazing journey since that fateful day.
Each day is a blessing.
Each day I give thanks.
I never forget that my days are a gift.

I have moved from bi-daily blood counts to weekly, to fortnightly, to monthly to now, quarterly.

I credit my holding health to my God, my family, my partner and friends and colleagues.

Mind you, this is for life. Just know how to manage it a bit better.

I still experience drops.
I still have the low times where steroids are needed. But it's been manageable.

22/08/2023

Tonight I helped my baby brother. He's 24. He's still my baby. They all are. I single handedly raised him up and supported him through his paces. After all that and he's now settled in at home, I sit and reflect.
I smile thinking back. Still the independent, strong big sister. Even with ITP, I still power on in my role. Guardian.
I have looked after for so long I can hardly recognize when I myself need care.
That's how I ended up at my very lowest some years back.
I smile because when I helped my brother, he accepted it.
Back when I was down, I was far worse state then him now but goodness did I fight it.🤭
When my legs were weak, I still demanded my family support me up and I can walk myself to the car.
I remember my other younger brother just scooping me up and into the vehicle.
I fought it at first demanding to be put down immediately.
Then I glanced at him and stilled. He needed me to need him. He needed me lean on him this time. He needed that affirmation that he could help. That his actions amount to something. He needed to be needed. So I stilled and let him lead.
See, I have been independent all my life. My father taught me Independence. And to never need anyone. To me, it was a sign of weakness to need to lean on anyone.
It drove alot of my relationship and battles.
I was never the needy person. Rather the opposite.
I remember it took me a loooong while for me to even allow my partner to treat me or try to assist me in any way. He wasn't allowed to give me money. I felt offended when he offered. To me it indicated I couldn't take care.of my own business. It rubbed me the wrong way immediately. Until I started to learn that it was his way to show his affection. In the long run, after countless arguments on the topic, we came to an agreement. Only when I allowed it. Only when I accept it at that moment in time. And if I borrowed him, I repay it and he must let me or I feel down. I would allow him treats for me but they would be few so I don't feel an invalid. Yes, my thoughts ran that way 😁

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