06/06/2026
📜 HEAR YE, HEAR YE! 📜
A MOST DRAMATIC RELOCATION OF GREAT CONSEQUENCE
(Verily, we ascend… to the upstairs.)
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Act I — The Great Uprising
Lo! Good patrons of our humble stall,
Attend thine ears to this proclamation:
We depart the shadowy depths of the downstairs market
And rise — aye, rise! — to the lofty halls
Of the indoor market once outdoors,
Now roof’d, forsooth, against the cruel British drizzle.
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Act II — The Quest for Directions
Shouldst thou arrive from the noble bus station,
Stride forth up Howard Street with heroic purpose.
Turn thyself leftward,
And there shalt thou spy us,
Standing proud opposite Rotherham College,
Like merchants of destiny.
If thou parkest at Tesco or Drummond Street,
Lift thine eyes from thine enchanted rectangle (the mobile phone),
And behold!
We stand before thee,
Radiant as a beacon of commerce.
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Act III — The Dates of Doom and Glory
• Our final day in the underworld (downstairs): 2/6/26
• Our triumphant rebirth in the upper realm: 10/2/26
Let it be known:
We are the same traders thou lovest,
Only now elevated —
Both in altitude and dramatic flair.
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Act IV — The Sacred Hotline
Shouldst thou desire an item held aside,
Summon us upon the mystical digits:
07776439438
We shall guard thy goods
As fiercely as Macbeth guarded his ambition
(though with a happier ending).
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Act V — The Grand Reunion
We await thee, dear customers —
Old, new, lost, confused, or simply wandering —
In our temporary upstairs kingdom,
Where bargains flourish
And chaos reigns only mildly.
