
06/21/2025
SALE 25% OFF
Well since the sled dogs have been put to rest for the summer, and the Sask-Que Maple Pipeline, still delayed due to bureaucratic wrangling and the price of air now rising to 50 cents for 42 seconds at most gas stations. We needed to get our maple syrup to Saskatchewan to link up with our mustard order.
We found a guy Named RuPaul Bunyan (no relation to the famous person with the same name) armed with nothing but a weathered canoe, three barrels of Grade A amber, and a hand-drawn route involving river rapids, swampy portages, and highland meadows, they set off for Regina, Saskatchewan. Luckily for us this part of the journey was the easy part.
Once in Saskatchewan we were able to get the maple on the mustard wagon train. Things were moseying along great until they hit the Red Deer Corridor, home turf of the infamous Albertan Train Buccaneers. These rail-riding rogues tried to intercept our maple syrup by timing ambushes on narrow bridges and grain-loading zones. But they outwitted them by doing the unthinkable: avoiding the train tracks entirely. Woo woo!
We thought our order was going to be safe once we hit BC. But in the treacherous foothills of BC, the BC Log Driving Bandits ruled the streams like pirates of the pine. With axes, flannel, and a suspicious love of eco-theatre, they tried to hijack our maple and mustard by tossing false logs into the current. But once again, we narrowly slipped by sticking to dry land.
Yet in all this dodging and evading, the inevitable happened, the wagons of mustard and the barrels of syrup mixed together creating a something we didn’t order, French’s Maple Mustard.
At first, there was panic. We’d failed the mission! The pure condiments were gone! But then a trail chef dabbed a spoonful on a fresh-caught salmon. Then someone slapped it on ham. Then I caught a ruffian using it as dipping sauce for poutine (Why!?). And finally, someone (not naming names) snuck it into Winter Cove Ball Park, and put it on a ball burger.
And Saturnites—it worked.
Now, I can’t say I meant for it to happen. But if you ask me? Sometimes, the best Canadian innovations come from a good mix-up. Try it on salmon. Try it on ham. Dip it. Grill it. Sneak it. And best of all, until July second you can get 25% off this Canadian Classic! Because we know once you try it, you’ll be back like an Austrian Robot traveling through time.