16/09/2026
The witticisms ‘God’s waiting room’ and ‘the world’s only above-ground cemetery’ have been co-opted to describe numerous retirement towns but were originally coined by comedian Spike Milligan for the Central Coast geriatric camp of Woy Woy.
Despite his insults, the Indian-born Anglo-Irishman is celebrated as a deity in Woy Woy as the only person of note ever to pay any attention to the town. In a sort of mass-scale Stockholm syndrome, Woy Woy honours its tormentor with a permanent exhibition at the local library and, formerly, an annual festival. Milligan also has a bridge named after him in the town, after Woy Woy took literally his suggestion that they ‘build a bridge and get over it’. Fittingly, Woy Woy’s only celebrity was not even a resident but was a frequent visitor, as the illiterate cultural wasteland was the ideal place for a writer trying to escape attention. At the time, not only did Woy Woyans have no idea who Spike Milligan was, they didn’t even know what a book was—half of which remains the case.
Sadly, the comatose coffin-dodger paradise that Milligan knew is fast disappearing as property developers and hipsters alike invade at a great rate, replacing all of the derelict weatherboard and fibro shacks with apartment blocks, multistorey mansions, New Age shops peddling bullsh*t for post-menopausal hippies, and pretentious cafes that serve soup in teapots. Even the prince of put-downs himself would be hard-pressed to sum up the bona fide bastion of w**k that Woy Woy has become. The town is still part of the Centrelink Coast, however, so there’s still a decent chance of getting beaten up at a train station, shopping centre or yoga class. Get bashed while you still can!
